Sort of fuzzy, angry...but in a good way.. not like a jaggy hangover more like a melifluous rhubarb pie!

Squeeze really hard...harder, harder..not that hard..now softer...get the idea?

I'm up here...really high la la la la la....now I'm in the basement digging a hole...really very low indeed...I'm in your boots. These sound exactly like this.

WHY THE DELAY?...WHY The DElay?.....Why the delay? Also delays punctuation...Never on time but twist a knob and it is precisely what time you want it to be. Crazy!

The engines cannae handle it captain...the warp drive is goimg into melt down! zzziiinnnnggg...Shut up Scotty. These pedals did something like this in the 60s and 70s.

The Klangers were weird...the guys who made that were definately on something....these pedals are not the same. Ironically used by The Soupdragons occasionally.

All together now...Hallelujah...halleluljah

A bit like being seasick stuck in a lift with Ed Sheeran and a looper or that Cherry Tree girl

Now I like this. It's like taking your guitar into the bath without you actually being in the bath. Brilliant..won't stop you being smelly though.

I haven't a clue what this means ...ask Glasgow GPT. He's bound to know.  Chat to Glasgow GPT...Warning may contain explicit language.

Whatever you want them to be! One's imagination holds no bounds...

Lots of them together making noises separately or all together like being in a really noisy pub and you're dying for a pint but the barmaid can't hear what you're saying. Frightening...possibly unless you know what the buttons do.

The Tongs of FX pedals made exclusively on the Bass Rock...and you thought it was a bird sanctuary! Think again!

These are what noise cancelling headphones are made for...without them can be really disturbing especially when you're on a long haul flight and you're sitting a row or two away from the little blighters. Hit them over the head with one of these..It'll stop the waaahhhing.

A heavier pedal to hit noisy weans over the head with...really shuts them up. Recommended for underfoot

I have no words! Did Bob Dylan / Bert Jansch / Donovan use one of these. I think not! Each to their own.

Unlike Tins of Tunas...all the olive oil seeps out of the boxes. A bit messy but we take care of that. Great on a sandwich with sweetcorn. Don't tell vegans or David Attenbush.

Fancy trying another type of foot? A size 8 instead of 10? Dainty girls feet if you're a boy or vice versa? Would you fall over? I don't know. Try one of these and find out.

Don't sit next to them at a dinner party ...or in the pub. Honestly they go on and on and on and on...about pedals. Enough of that. Hit them over the head with a heavy one.

Remember Scalextrix? Whatever happened to them ...The cars would just fly off everywhere... the track was a complete waste of time...unless you stuck your tongue on it ...tingle.

This is everything..I mean the A to Z and XYZ...the peak of toppertunity...every sound in your head and in every one else's too. Good luck in sorting it out. I'm away to bed. Good night!"